Ejaculate Responsibly. The Conversation We need to have with Men about Contraception (Book review)

Any woman who uses fertility awareness as contraception needs a man who shares responsibility for avoiding pregnancy and uses condoms or other precautions for at least 11 days a month.

For encouragement, I suggest Gabrielle Blair’s book Ejaculate Responsibly. The Conversation We Need to Have About Men and Contraception.  

Unfortunately, like many others, Blair dismisses fertility awareness methods, which can be up to

99% effective when you choose the right method, and use it correctly. 

She's right that you can’t predict ovulation in time to avoid pregnancy. There’s no alarm clock that goes off “like a turkey timer at Thanksgiving”.

It’s a shame she doesn’t add that, with enough data, you can work out the earliest day you’re likely to be fertile each month. Your first fertile day.

She could also have added how you work out when ovulation has been and gone and your green days have begun. The infertile days before your period.

Still, her insight into the cultural pressures on men and women are invaluable.

On condoms she says:

“Perhaps the problem isn’t condoms but the way we talk about condoms. Or more accurately the way we don’t talk about condoms – if a man believes sex without condoms is a conquest, he’s not likely to talk about the benefits of condoms with other men he knows.”

Incorrect, or typical, condom effectiveness is only 82%. But correct use, which can be learned like any other skill, is up to 98%. Combine that with a “just in case” supply of emergency contraception and some knowledge of your cycle and effectiveness will be even higher..

Blair has a similar attitude to withdrawal, or pulling out [Correct use 96%. Typical or incorrect use 78%]

"When learning that 78 percent statistic, a responsible man would not respond: Well, the Pull-Out Method isn’t effective enough, so I won’t bother. But rather: I’d better learn what mistakes to avoid with the Pull-Out Method. This is serious business. I can’t mess around with someone else’s life like that." 

On vasectomy she says:

“Again, because of privacy issues and the stigma around vasectomies, men don’t often talk to other men about their experiences or the advantages. But the advantages are real. The cost savings and time savings of a vasectomy, year after year, are significant. But the biggest advantage may be psychological. Couples commonly report much improved sex lives after a vasectomy. Why? Because unwanted pregnancy stress is eliminated. Disappeared! Men also frequently report that the procedure is quick and easy, almost pain-free, and the recovery is straightforward and simple.”

You might not be at this stage in your life, but it’s worth knowing about.

You can even buy vasectomy cakes to celebrate them (I’ll leave you to Google that), and Planned Parenthood in the US, where women’s abortion rights are being restricted, have launched a new campaign for basketball fans. The ball’s in your court.  Enough said.