Using FAM to get pregnant
Many women start using the fertility awareness method because they want to get pregnant in the next few years. It's a good way to check your overall health, and learn when you are most likely to get pregnant.
This page is for anyone who wants to get pregnant - both established users of the method and newbies.
Your age is probably the first thing on your mind. Of course it's easier to get pregnant when you're younger, but it might not be convenient, and it's not as difficult as you might think when you're over 35.
Pregnancy over 40 isn't unusual either. You probably know a woman who has had a "happy accident" in her early 40s. There's a reason we're meant to use contraception over 40.
Jean Twenge suggests you aim to complete your family by the time you're 40, which seems like sound advice to me. You should also:
This page is for anyone who wants to get pregnant - both established users of the method and newbies.
Your age is probably the first thing on your mind. Of course it's easier to get pregnant when you're younger, but it might not be convenient, and it's not as difficult as you might think when you're over 35.
Pregnancy over 40 isn't unusual either. You probably know a woman who has had a "happy accident" in her early 40s. There's a reason we're meant to use contraception over 40.
Jean Twenge suggests you aim to complete your family by the time you're 40, which seems like sound advice to me. You should also:
Have lots of sex
This might sound ridiculously obvious but you need to have lots of sex.
NICE Fertility guidance says to "have vaginal sexual intercourse every two to three days".
Too many folk think women can can only get pregnant for a few days each month.
Women are made to get pregnant - not that we have to, but you know what I mean.
We can store sperm for up to seven days. Yes, seven days. And I suspect we're not just storing it - we're probably chucking out the duds and keeping the good stuff.
So you could have sex on Saturday and get pregnant while you're brushing your teeth on Friday.
So have lots of sex, especially during your fertile window, which lasts for about a week, and occurs sometime after your period.
To help you identify your fertile window:
NICE Fertility guidance says to "have vaginal sexual intercourse every two to three days".
Too many folk think women can can only get pregnant for a few days each month.
Women are made to get pregnant - not that we have to, but you know what I mean.
We can store sperm for up to seven days. Yes, seven days. And I suspect we're not just storing it - we're probably chucking out the duds and keeping the good stuff.
So you could have sex on Saturday and get pregnant while you're brushing your teeth on Friday.
So have lots of sex, especially during your fertile window, which lasts for about a week, and occurs sometime after your period.
To help you identify your fertile window:
Get an app
An app might help you get pregnant - especially if you have reasonably regular periods. Be careful about using them for contraception though.
Clue is a nice straightforward and free option. You don't need to record loads of information. Day one of your period is enough. That means the first day of proper bleeding, not just spotting.
Add a few days either side of the estimated fertile window to improve your chances.
If you want, you could also:
Clue is a nice straightforward and free option. You don't need to record loads of information. Day one of your period is enough. That means the first day of proper bleeding, not just spotting.
Add a few days either side of the estimated fertile window to improve your chances.
If you want, you could also:
Notice your fluid
Your vaginal fluid helps sperm stay alive for up to 7 days, and transports it to the egg/s when the time comes.
The staying alive fluid might not be that obvious, the transport fluid is usually easier to spot. Have you noticed days when you have lots (and I mean lots) of clear and stretchy vaginal fluid?
This is transport fluid - it's part of how your body helps sperm reach your egg/s. It usually appears when you are ovulating or about to ovulate (release an egg), so if you notice this kind of fluid get busy.
If you can't see any obvious fluid, try:
The staying alive fluid might not be that obvious, the transport fluid is usually easier to spot. Have you noticed days when you have lots (and I mean lots) of clear and stretchy vaginal fluid?
This is transport fluid - it's part of how your body helps sperm reach your egg/s. It usually appears when you are ovulating or about to ovulate (release an egg), so if you notice this kind of fluid get busy.
If you can't see any obvious fluid, try:
Ovulation tests
The cheap ones are fine, they just have more complicated instructions and usually involve peeing in a pot, rather than straight on the stick.
Start testing from the day the test recommends and base this on your shortest cycle length, not your average cycle.
If ovulation tests don't work (they're not always reliable), you could:
Start testing from the day the test recommends and base this on your shortest cycle length, not your average cycle.
If ovulation tests don't work (they're not always reliable), you could:
Buy a thermometer
A standard fever thermometer is fine. It won't help you predict ovulation but it will help you know when it's been and gone, and give you an idea about when you usually ovulate.
Most women who are ovulating will see their waking temperature rise after ovulation.
Aim to have sex every couple of days after your period ends and until you see a sustained temperature rise (see green days for more info).
Your temperature usually drops when your period is due.
If it stays high you could be pregnant, you can test after 14 higher temperatures.
Some women use a basal body temperature (BBT) thermometer, which has two decimal points, because they might have a dip in waking temperature, which suggests ovulation is occurring.
But some women do not see this temperature dip, even though they are ovulating.
Look for the rise, not the dip - and aim to have sex throughout your fertile window.
Most women who are ovulating will see their waking temperature rise after ovulation.
Aim to have sex every couple of days after your period ends and until you see a sustained temperature rise (see green days for more info).
Your temperature usually drops when your period is due.
If it stays high you could be pregnant, you can test after 14 higher temperatures.
Some women use a basal body temperature (BBT) thermometer, which has two decimal points, because they might have a dip in waking temperature, which suggests ovulation is occurring.
But some women do not see this temperature dip, even though they are ovulating.
Look for the rise, not the dip - and aim to have sex throughout your fertile window.
If you are breastfeeding...
If you are breastfeeding, you might struggle to get pregnant. Prolactin, the breastfeeding hormone, lowers oestrogen - the egg ripening and release hormone.
For more about the practical and emotional side of reducing feeds read this blog from Emma Pickett.
For more about the practical and emotional side of reducing feeds read this blog from Emma Pickett.
Look after yourselves
You might do all this and still not get pregnant.
This can be alarming when we are told (endlessly) that sex without contraception means pregnancy, and it sometimes feels like “everyone” has fertility problems and the only solution is IVF.
Of course for some people help from a fertility clinic is the only option, and it can be reassuring to get support sooner rather than later.
But for most of us fertility is more like a dimmer switch than an on/off switch, and you might be able to turn that dial a little yourself - and make treatment more effective if you do end up at a clinic.
This does not mean making yourselves miserable with unrealistic goals.
It does mean both of you looking after yourselves a little more.
You know the drill - eat regular meals, make sure your BMI is in the normal range, give up smoking, go easy on alcohol, look after your teeth (sounds odd but can help), get enough sleep, and look after your mental health.
Both you and your partner could also get tested for sexually transmitted infections. These are a leading cause of fertility problems and not everyone gets symptoms. Getting treatment could improve your chances.
You could also read the wonderfully sympathetic and knowledgeable "Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant" by Jean Twenge.
She suggests having a "12 month pregnancy". Both of you doing all the good, sensible stuff for three months before you start trying to get pregnant. Sound advice, there's more below:
This can be alarming when we are told (endlessly) that sex without contraception means pregnancy, and it sometimes feels like “everyone” has fertility problems and the only solution is IVF.
Of course for some people help from a fertility clinic is the only option, and it can be reassuring to get support sooner rather than later.
But for most of us fertility is more like a dimmer switch than an on/off switch, and you might be able to turn that dial a little yourself - and make treatment more effective if you do end up at a clinic.
This does not mean making yourselves miserable with unrealistic goals.
It does mean both of you looking after yourselves a little more.
You know the drill - eat regular meals, make sure your BMI is in the normal range, give up smoking, go easy on alcohol, look after your teeth (sounds odd but can help), get enough sleep, and look after your mental health.
Both you and your partner could also get tested for sexually transmitted infections. These are a leading cause of fertility problems and not everyone gets symptoms. Getting treatment could improve your chances.
You could also read the wonderfully sympathetic and knowledgeable "Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant" by Jean Twenge.
She suggests having a "12 month pregnancy". Both of you doing all the good, sensible stuff for three months before you start trying to get pregnant. Sound advice, there's more below:
- NHS guide to planning a pregnancy – the essentials
- HFEA – for anyone considering fertility treatment, or egg freezing.
Want some support?
My support is mainly for those who want to avoid pregnancy. If you want support with getting pregnant, I suggest you contact Jane Knight at the Zita West Clinic, or Kate Davies at Your Fertility Journey.