Condoms and other precautions
Using fertility awareness as contraception (FAM) means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least 11 days a month.
Women are only fertile for between 6 and 9 days a cycle but those days move around, and are difficult to predict. You need some buffer days to avoid pregnancy.
While you are learning, you will need to assume you are fertile for longer. The same applies if your periods are very irregular, or you're waiting for them to return.
For some users of fertility awareness the number of condom days is a deal breaker. Others take it in their stride and even enjoy the varied approach to avoiding pregnancy.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
Women are only fertile for between 6 and 9 days a cycle but those days move around, and are difficult to predict. You need some buffer days to avoid pregnancy.
While you are learning, you will need to assume you are fertile for longer. The same applies if your periods are very irregular, or you're waiting for them to return.
For some users of fertility awareness the number of condom days is a deal breaker. Others take it in their stride and even enjoy the varied approach to avoiding pregnancy.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
- Abstinence. Avoid sex completely. You might not be in a relationship at the moment, or maybe you want to avoid sex during your fertile days for religious reasons.
- Imagination. Work it out between yourselves. I'm not a sex advice columnist. Could mean more orgasms if you have a clitoris.
- Condoms. A popular but underrated way to avoid pregnancy, just make sure you get the right size and know how to use them.
- Pulling out (withdrawal) is an unforgiving method that works for some couples (4% perfect use). For maximum effectiveness combine with a diaphragm and spermicide (see below), or condoms, and knowledge of when you are less fertile. Your partner could use a sperm test to check if their pre-cum (if they have any) contains sperm. Some guys are leakier than others.
- Diaphragm or cap. This fits over your cervix and stops sperm getting in. Use with spermicide (Contragel - recently rebranded as Caya Gel is a good option) and leave it in place for six hours after having sex. Must be used correctly and fitted in a sexual health clinic, which includes them checking you know how to insert it. Combine with condoms or pulling out, and knowledge of your cycle, to improve effectiveness.
- Caya is a One Size Fits Most version of the diaphragm that's supplied by some sexual health clinics. If you are unusually tall or short it might not fit (strange but true). Watch the (NSFW) film on the Caya EU website to find out exactly (and I mean exactly) how to use it. As for a standard diaphragm you should get it checked by a sexual health clinic, which can be a challenge.
Emergency contraception
Emergency contraception is an important option but it does mess up your cycle.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready. To find out more visit the NHS website.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready. To find out more visit the NHS website.
Stress reduction
Using fertility awareness as contraception can be stressful, even if it's only because of the lectures from well-meaning clinicians, friends or family members.
Correct use is important - and not as difficult as you might think, though the NHS recommends you get support.
This might sound extreme but one way to reduce your stress levels is to think about what you would do if you got pregnant, and discuss it with your partner (if you have one).
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life and half of them are already mothers. Not an ideal option but an important and potentially reassuring one.
Correct use is important - and not as difficult as you might think, though the NHS recommends you get support.
This might sound extreme but one way to reduce your stress levels is to think about what you would do if you got pregnant, and discuss it with your partner (if you have one).
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life and half of them are already mothers. Not an ideal option but an important and potentially reassuring one.
Fertility awareness forever??
You might become a massive fan of fertility awareness who would never dream of using another method of contraception. Or you might not.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
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Affiliate links - this page includes some affiliate links which means I get a (very) small payment. You don't pay anything extra and I only link to products I like.