Condoms and other precautions
Using fertility awareness as contraception (FAM) means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least eleven days a month.
Women are only fertile for between 6 and 9 days per cycle but those days move around, and are difficult to predict, so you need some buffer days to avoid pregnancy.
You will need to assume you are fertile for longer while you are learning, and if your periods are very irregular, or you're waiting for them to return.
The number of condom days can be a deal breaker for some users of fertility awareness. Others take it in their stride and even enjoy the varied approach to avoiding pregnancy.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
Women are only fertile for between 6 and 9 days per cycle but those days move around, and are difficult to predict, so you need some buffer days to avoid pregnancy.
You will need to assume you are fertile for longer while you are learning, and if your periods are very irregular, or you're waiting for them to return.
The number of condom days can be a deal breaker for some users of fertility awareness. Others take it in their stride and even enjoy the varied approach to avoiding pregnancy.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
- Abstinence. Avoid sex completely. You might not be in a relationship at the moment, or maybe you want to avoid sex during your fertile days for religious reasons.
- Imagination. Work it out between yourselves. I'm not a sex advice columnist. Could mean more orgasms if you have a clitoris.
- Condoms. A popular but underrated way to avoid pregnancy, just make sure you know how to use them.
- Pulling out (withdrawal) is an unforgiving method but it works for some couples (4% perfect use). For maximum effectiveness combine with a diaphragm and spermicide (see below), or condoms, and knowledge of when you are less fertile. Your partner could use a sperm test to check if their pre-cum (if they have any) contains sperm. Some guys are leakier than others.
- Diaphragm or cap. This fits over your cervix and stops sperm getting in. Similar idea to a menstrual cup but higher up. Must be used correctly. This means getting it fitted in a sexual health clinic, and them checking you know how to insert it. Use with spermicide (e.g. Contragel) and leave it in place for six hours after having sex. Combine with condoms or pulling out, and knowledge of your cycle, to improve effectiveness.
- Caya is a one-size-fits-most version of the diaphragm that's supplied by some sexual health clinics. It's important to use it correctly, in the same way as a diaphragm or cap. Bear in mind that it only fits 80% of women. If you are unusually tall or short it might not fit (strange but true). As for a normal diaphragm, get it checked by a sexual health clinic and combine with condoms or pulling out, and knowledge of your cycle, to improve effectiveness.
Emergency contraception
Emergency contraception is an important option but it does mess up your cycle.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready. To find out more visit the NHS website.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready. To find out more visit the NHS website.
Stress reduction
Using fertility awareness as contraception can be stressful, even if it's only because of the lectures from well-meaning clinicians, friends or family members.
Correct use is important - and not as difficult as you might think, though the NHS recommends you get support.
This might sound extreme but one way to reduce your stress levels is to think about what you would do if you got pregnant, and discuss it with your partner (if you have one).
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life and half of them are already mothers. Not an ideal option but an important and potentially reassuring one.
Correct use is important - and not as difficult as you might think, though the NHS recommends you get support.
This might sound extreme but one way to reduce your stress levels is to think about what you would do if you got pregnant, and discuss it with your partner (if you have one).
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life and half of them are already mothers. Not an ideal option but an important and potentially reassuring one.
Fertility awareness forever??
You might become a massive fan of fertility awareness who would never dream of using another method of contraception. Or you might not.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
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Affiliate links - this page includes some affiliate links which means I get a (very) small payment. You don't pay anything extra and I only link to products I like.