Condoms and other precautions
To use the fertility awareness method of contraception (FAM), you need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least nine days a month. It will be longer than this while you are learning, and if you have very irregular cycles.
Here's your options, in order of effectiveness:
Here's your options, in order of effectiveness:
- Abstinence. Avoid sex completely. Some couples do this for religious reasons on all their fertile days. And some women learn how to use this method while they are not in a relationship, which definitely takes the pressure off.
- Imagination. Work it out between yourselves. I'm not a sex advice columnist. Could mean more orgasms if you have a clitoris.
- Condoms. A popular but underrated way to avoid pregnancy - just make sure you get the right size, and know how to use them. Check out Franki Cookney's blog about making condoms a pleasurable part of sex, and Rebecca Reid's article that ranks condoms by brand.
- Diaphragm/Caya. These fit over your cervix. Your NHS sexual health clinic (not your GP) should be able to fit you with one - it's important to get the right size. Always use with spermicide - Contragel is a good option.
Caya is an easier to use version of the diaphragm which fits 80 per cent of women. If your NHS clinic doesn't stock them, you can order Caya from Amazon and ask your clinic to check that it fits. This film shows you exactly how Caya works.
Tip 1: When you make your appointment, ask to see someone who knows how to fit diaphragms - and check if they stock Caya.
Tip 2: Aim to get it fitted during your fertile days. Your cervix changes position during your cycle and this is when you need it to fit correctly.
- Pulling out (withdrawal) is not ideal but it works better than you might think - so long as your partner gets their timing right every single time. See Planned Parenthood for more information.
Combine with a diaphragm or Caya and spermicide (or just spermicide) to increase effectiveness. Some men use a sperm test to check if their pre-cum (if they have any) contains sperm.
Emergency contraception
Emergency contraception messes up your cycle. It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile till after you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
But it has its place. You might find it helpful, and reassuring, to have a "just in case" supply available - especially if you are using condoms on your fertile days.
That said, emergency contraception doesn't always work. Ella can be effective up to five days after sex but there are a few days each cycle (your maximum fertility days) - when it is less likely to work.
On these days, it is probably best to have an IUD inserted as emergency contraception. You can have it removed when you're ready.
But it has its place. You might find it helpful, and reassuring, to have a "just in case" supply available - especially if you are using condoms on your fertile days.
That said, emergency contraception doesn't always work. Ella can be effective up to five days after sex but there are a few days each cycle (your maximum fertility days) - when it is less likely to work.
On these days, it is probably best to have an IUD inserted as emergency contraception. You can have it removed when you're ready.
What would you do if you got pregnant?
You might be using fertilty awareness because you want a child at some point.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Or you might decide that you don't mind taking a few more chances because you'd have an abortion if necessary.
You're probably not thrilled by the prospect but you'd do it. If that's you, this NHS link might be helpful.
Or, you might want neither a baby nor an abortion, thanks very much. If that's you, make sure you use fertility awareness correctly and consider getting support.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Or you might decide that you don't mind taking a few more chances because you'd have an abortion if necessary.
You're probably not thrilled by the prospect but you'd do it. If that's you, this NHS link might be helpful.
Or, you might want neither a baby nor an abortion, thanks very much. If that's you, make sure you use fertility awareness correctly and consider getting support.
Fertility awareness forever??
If you can both handle your fertile days, you might become massive fans of fertility awareness who would never dream of using another method of contraception. Or you might not.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option - there are others. That said, please avoid Essure (female sterilisation device).
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option - there are others. That said, please avoid Essure (female sterilisation device).
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
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Affiliate links - this page includes some affiliate links which means I get a (very) small payment. You don't pay anything extra and I only link to products I like.