Condoms and other precautions
Your fertile days move about so buffer days are a vital part of using fertility awareness as contraception (FAM).
This means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least ten days a month.
It will be more than this while you are learning, especially if your periods are very irregular or you are waiting for them to return.
Even once you know what you're doing you might prefer to only have unprotected sex during the infertile days at the end of your cycle - your green days.
Whatever approach you use, you need to decide on your precautions.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
This means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least ten days a month.
It will be more than this while you are learning, especially if your periods are very irregular or you are waiting for them to return.
Even once you know what you're doing you might prefer to only have unprotected sex during the infertile days at the end of your cycle - your green days.
Whatever approach you use, you need to decide on your precautions.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
- Abstinence. Avoid sex completely. You might not be in a relationship at the moment, or maybe you want to avoid sex during your fertile days for religious reasons.
- Imagination. Work it out between yourselves. I'm not a sex advice columnist. Could mean more orgasms if you have a clitoris.
- Condoms. A popular but underrated way to avoid pregnancy, just make sure you know how to use them.
- Pulling out (withdrawal) is an unforgiving method but it works for some couples (4% perfect use). For maximum effectiveness combine with a diaphragm, or condoms. Your partner could use a sperm test to check if their pre-cum (if they have any) contains sperm. Some guys are leakier than others.
- Diaphragm or cap (e.g. Caya). Caya is an easier to use version that fits 80% of women. For maximum effectiveness get it fitted by a specialist in a sexual health clinic and combine with condoms or pulling out. Use with spermicide (e.g. Contragel) and leave in place for at least six hours after having sex.
Emergency contraception
Emergency contraception is an important option but it does mess up your cycle.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
The brand ellaOne can be effective up to 5 days (120 hours) after sex, but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and the IUD (copper coil) is a better option. You can have it removed when you're ready.
Stress reduction
Using fertility awareness as contraception can be stressful, even if it's only because of the lectures from well-meaning clinicians, friends or family members.
Correct use is important. The NHS recommends you get support.
You might also find it helpful to think about what you would do if you got pregnant.
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life, half of them are already mothers.
Both of those back up plans have helped me feel at ease with using fertility awareness as contraception - even though I've not had to use them.
There's enough sources of stress in this world, you don't want your method of contraception to be one of them.
Correct use is important. The NHS recommends you get support.
You might also find it helpful to think about what you would do if you got pregnant.
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Others might decide that their backup plan is to have an abortion if necessary. One in three women in the UK have an abortion at some stage in their life, half of them are already mothers.
Both of those back up plans have helped me feel at ease with using fertility awareness as contraception - even though I've not had to use them.
There's enough sources of stress in this world, you don't want your method of contraception to be one of them.
Fertility awareness forever??
You might become a massive fan of fertility awareness who would never dream of using another method of contraception. Or you might not.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option, there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
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Affiliate links - this page includes some affiliate links which means I get a (very) small payment. You don't pay anything extra and I only link to products I like.