Condoms and other precautions
Buffer days are a vital part of using fertility awareness as contraception (FAM). Your fertile days are not a fixed event.
You also need to allow for the outliers - unusual events. The times you release two eggs instead of one when you ovulate (think twins). The times when sperm survives for seven days.
All this means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least ten days a month.
It will be more than this while you are learning, especially if your periods are very irregular or you are waiting for them to return.
Even once you know what you're doing you might decide to only have unprotected sex during the infertile days at the end of your cycle - your green days.
Whatever approach you use, you need to decide how you are going to handle your your fertile and your might-be-fertile days.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
You also need to allow for the outliers - unusual events. The times you release two eggs instead of one when you ovulate (think twins). The times when sperm survives for seven days.
All this means you both need to be comfortable using condoms or other precautions for at least ten days a month.
It will be more than this while you are learning, especially if your periods are very irregular or you are waiting for them to return.
Even once you know what you're doing you might decide to only have unprotected sex during the infertile days at the end of your cycle - your green days.
Whatever approach you use, you need to decide how you are going to handle your your fertile and your might-be-fertile days.
Here's your options in order of effectiveness:
- Abstinence. Avoid sex completely. You might not be in a relationship at the moment, or maybe you want to avoid sex during your fertile days for religious reasons.
- Imagination. Work it out between yourselves. I'm not a sex advice columnist. Could mean more orgasms if you have a clitoris.
- Condoms. A popular but underrated way to avoid pregnancy - just make sure you know how to use them.
- Pulling out (withdrawal) is an unforgiving method but it works for some couples (4% perfect use). Your partner could use a sperm test to check if their pre-cum (if they have any) contains sperm. Some guys are leakier than others. See Planned Parenthood for more information.
- Diaphragm or cap (e.g. Caya) Only 16% effective even with perfect/correct use. Combine with condoms or pulling out to improve effectiveness. Always use with spermicide (e.g. Contragel) and leave in place for at least six hours after having sex.
Emergency contraception
Emergency contraception is an important option but it does mess up your cycle.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
Ella can be effective up to five days after sex but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and you should consider using an IUD (copper coil) as emergency contraception. You can have it removed when you're ready.
It means your period is either later or earlier than usual, and you have to assume you are fertile until you have had a period and confirmed ovulation.
Still, you might find it helpful and reassuring to have a "just in case" supply of emergency contraception pills.
Ella can be effective up to five days after sex but there are a few days each cycle when pills are less likely to work and you should consider using an IUD (copper coil) as emergency contraception. You can have it removed when you're ready.
What would you do if you got pregnant?
I think it can be helpful to think about this, and maybe discuss it with your partner, so you can make sure you have their support.
You might decide you would have the child if you got pregnant.
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Or you might be using fertility awareness because you're prepared to have an abortion if necessary, assuming you live in a country where this is possible.
Maybe you prefer the possibility of that to the side effects and risks associated with other kinds of contraception.
Either of those approaches is fine. It's your body and your life.
But, if you want fertility awareness to work, the NHS recommends that you get support.
You might decide you would have the child if you got pregnant.
Many couples start to use fertility awareness because they are planning to have a child in the next year or two, which definitely takes the pressure off while you are learning.
If that's you, keep an eye on yourself. You might get ambushed by a random broody, or curious, moment and "forget" to use precautions.
Or you might be using fertility awareness because you're prepared to have an abortion if necessary, assuming you live in a country where this is possible.
Maybe you prefer the possibility of that to the side effects and risks associated with other kinds of contraception.
Either of those approaches is fine. It's your body and your life.
But, if you want fertility awareness to work, the NHS recommends that you get support.
Fertility awareness forever??
If you can both handle the fertility awareness routine, and your fertile days, you might become massive fans of fertility awareness who would never dream of using another method of contraception. Or you might not.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option - there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
Check in with yourselves every so often. Are you still OK with using fertility awareness or is one of you getting fed up?
I'm a big fan of fertility awareness but I don't want anyone to feel it's their only option - there are others.
Find out if FAM is right for you here.
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Affiliate links - this page includes some affiliate links which means I get a (very) small payment. You don't pay anything extra and I only link to products I like.