Getting pregnant - some tips
Using fertility awareness as contraception means you know when you're most likely to be fertile. You know the power of knowledge about your waking temperature, fluid and cycle length.
Flipping that knowledge and using it to help you get pregnant is one of the potential perks of the method.
But I know it can feel scary to say you want a child when we hear so much about couples with fertility problems.
Here's some pointers for anyone who wants to get pregnant and avoid a trip to a fertility clinic.
Flipping that knowledge and using it to help you get pregnant is one of the potential perks of the method.
But I know it can feel scary to say you want a child when we hear so much about couples with fertility problems.
Here's some pointers for anyone who wants to get pregnant and avoid a trip to a fertility clinic.
Age - yes it matters, but...
The impact of your age on fertility is probably the first thing on your mind. We've all heard about women's fertility "falling off a cliff" when we reach 30 or 35.
In reality, it might not be convenient to get pregnant when we're "meant" to. We usually want a decent partner, home, and work. Our fertility is not the only thing we need to think about. Life is not that simple.
Still, if you can, it is probably sensible to aim to complete your your family by the age of 37.
You could follow the advice of Jean Twenge and aim for 40 instead, but remember it's not just about getting pregnant. It's also about staying pregnant, giving birth and recovering from giving birth.
All of these are easier when you're younger.
That said, KEEP USING CONTRACEPTION OVER 40. Official birth and abortion statistics show plenty of women get pregnant in their early and even mid 40s.
It's even worth using contraception if you've been through IVF. A 2023 UCL study found one in five women who’d conceived through IVF went on to conceive naturally.
In reality, it might not be convenient to get pregnant when we're "meant" to. We usually want a decent partner, home, and work. Our fertility is not the only thing we need to think about. Life is not that simple.
Still, if you can, it is probably sensible to aim to complete your your family by the age of 37.
You could follow the advice of Jean Twenge and aim for 40 instead, but remember it's not just about getting pregnant. It's also about staying pregnant, giving birth and recovering from giving birth.
All of these are easier when you're younger.
That said, KEEP USING CONTRACEPTION OVER 40. Official birth and abortion statistics show plenty of women get pregnant in their early and even mid 40s.
It's even worth using contraception if you've been through IVF. A 2023 UCL study found one in five women who’d conceived through IVF went on to conceive naturally.
Your overall health - think dimmer switch
There's not much you can do about your age, but there's plenty you and your partner can do about your overall health.
It's very easy to adopt a fatalistic "we're doomed" mindset, especially if friends or family have had fertility issues.
Resist that. There's plenty of stuff you can do. Small things can make a big difference.
Think of your overall health, and fertility, as a dimmer switch that you can nudge in the right direction rather than an on/off switch.
Just three months of good behaviour - for both of you - can lead to a substantial improvement.
Three months is how long it takes for men to create new sperm. So if a guy gives up smoking (that includes weed), saunas and steam rooms, has plenty of sex, and generally looks after himself, all his duff sperm should be gone in three months, and he'll have top quality stuff at the front of queue. Not a bad deal
Women are more complicated, but we can still improve our health pretty substantially in three months.
You know the drill. Take a pregnancy supplement, or at least folic acid and vitamin D. Eat regular meals, make sure your BMI is in the normal range, give up smoking, go easy on alcohol, look after your teeth (sounds odd but can help), get enough sleep, get outside, exercise a reasonable amount and look after your mental health.
It's also worth both of you being checked for sexually transmitted infections. These can lurk without any symptoms, and have a significant impact on fertility. The good news is that most of them can also be treated successfully.
And do check out the NHS guide to planning a pregnancy.
It's very easy to adopt a fatalistic "we're doomed" mindset, especially if friends or family have had fertility issues.
Resist that. There's plenty of stuff you can do. Small things can make a big difference.
Think of your overall health, and fertility, as a dimmer switch that you can nudge in the right direction rather than an on/off switch.
Just three months of good behaviour - for both of you - can lead to a substantial improvement.
Three months is how long it takes for men to create new sperm. So if a guy gives up smoking (that includes weed), saunas and steam rooms, has plenty of sex, and generally looks after himself, all his duff sperm should be gone in three months, and he'll have top quality stuff at the front of queue. Not a bad deal
Women are more complicated, but we can still improve our health pretty substantially in three months.
You know the drill. Take a pregnancy supplement, or at least folic acid and vitamin D. Eat regular meals, make sure your BMI is in the normal range, give up smoking, go easy on alcohol, look after your teeth (sounds odd but can help), get enough sleep, get outside, exercise a reasonable amount and look after your mental health.
It's also worth both of you being checked for sexually transmitted infections. These can lurk without any symptoms, and have a significant impact on fertility. The good news is that most of them can also be treated successfully.
And do check out the NHS guide to planning a pregnancy.
Sex - have lots
Too many people think women can only get pregnant from having sex during ovulation.
The one or two days when a woman's ovaries release an egg or two (think twins) and fertilisation can occur.
In reality, women are made to get pregnant - not that we have to, but you know what I mean.
We can store sperm for up to seven days before ovulation. Yes, seven days.
You could have sex on Saturday and get pregnant while you're brushing your teeth on Friday. Our bodies are amazing.
Added to that, ovulation is not a fixed event. It changes from month to month.
You could simply have sex every 2 to 3 days, as suggested by NICE Fertility guidance which says:
"In the general population, more than 8 out of 10 couples where the woman is aged under 40 will get pregnant within 1 year if they have regular sexual intercourse (that is, every 2 to 3 days) and do not use contraception. More than 9 out of 10 couples will get pregnant within 2 years."
But you're probably reading this because you want to know when your fertile days occur so here's some info on that...
The one or two days when a woman's ovaries release an egg or two (think twins) and fertilisation can occur.
In reality, women are made to get pregnant - not that we have to, but you know what I mean.
We can store sperm for up to seven days before ovulation. Yes, seven days.
You could have sex on Saturday and get pregnant while you're brushing your teeth on Friday. Our bodies are amazing.
Added to that, ovulation is not a fixed event. It changes from month to month.
You could simply have sex every 2 to 3 days, as suggested by NICE Fertility guidance which says:
"In the general population, more than 8 out of 10 couples where the woman is aged under 40 will get pregnant within 1 year if they have regular sexual intercourse (that is, every 2 to 3 days) and do not use contraception. More than 9 out of 10 couples will get pregnant within 2 years."
But you're probably reading this because you want to know when your fertile days occur so here's some info on that...
Keep an eye out for fluid changes
Cervical fluid is one of the reasons sperm can survive in women's bodies for up to 7 days. It also helps transport sperm to the egg/s when the time comes.
Notice it when you use the bathroom, or in the shower. The fluid that helps sperm survive might not be that obvious, but it's usually easy to notice the fluid associated with ovulation, and sperm transport. There's lots of it and it's clear and very stretchy, a bit like raw egg white.
That said, don't worry if you only see a small amount of fluid. Not all women have an obvious fluid pattern.
Avoid standard lube as it might affect sperm. Use the kind that helps with conception instead.
[You might hear cervical fluid described as mucus, discharge or secretions. I prefer the word fluid. Men have seminal fluid, not seminal discharge, and so it seems reasonable for women to have cervical fluid.]
Notice it when you use the bathroom, or in the shower. The fluid that helps sperm survive might not be that obvious, but it's usually easy to notice the fluid associated with ovulation, and sperm transport. There's lots of it and it's clear and very stretchy, a bit like raw egg white.
That said, don't worry if you only see a small amount of fluid. Not all women have an obvious fluid pattern.
Avoid standard lube as it might affect sperm. Use the kind that helps with conception instead.
[You might hear cervical fluid described as mucus, discharge or secretions. I prefer the word fluid. Men have seminal fluid, not seminal discharge, and so it seems reasonable for women to have cervical fluid.]
Ovulation prediction tests might help
If your fluid isn't obvious, or you're curious, you could try ovulation prediction tests.
These are urine tests that help you identify the hormone that triggers ovulation - luteinizing hormone or LH.
The cheap ones are fine, so long as you can handle the instructions, and peeing in a pot, rather than straight on the stick.
Start testing from the day the test recommends. Base this on your shortest cycle length, not your average cycle length.
It's usually best to test in the early evening, after you've not peed for a few hours (time to exercise that pelvic floor).
Remember these tests predict ovulation, so carry on having sex for at least a couple of days after you see a positive test.
These are urine tests that help you identify the hormone that triggers ovulation - luteinizing hormone or LH.
The cheap ones are fine, so long as you can handle the instructions, and peeing in a pot, rather than straight on the stick.
Start testing from the day the test recommends. Base this on your shortest cycle length, not your average cycle length.
It's usually best to test in the early evening, after you've not peed for a few hours (time to exercise that pelvic floor).
Remember these tests predict ovulation, so carry on having sex for at least a couple of days after you see a positive test.
Waking temperature can help you confirm ovulation
Your waking temperature can't help you predict ovulation. Like I said, this is not a fixed event.
It is a reasonable way to check that ovulation is occurring, and when it's happening.
A sustained shift from lower to higher temperatures means ovulation has been and gone for that cycle.
Your temperature usually drops when your period is due. If it stays high you could be pregnant.
Once you have enough data to confirm you're probably ovulating, and when you're probably fertile, you can choose to stop taking your temperature.
Some couples find it helpful and some find it stressful. It's up to you.
It is a reasonable way to check that ovulation is occurring, and when it's happening.
A sustained shift from lower to higher temperatures means ovulation has been and gone for that cycle.
Your temperature usually drops when your period is due. If it stays high you could be pregnant.
Once you have enough data to confirm you're probably ovulating, and when you're probably fertile, you can choose to stop taking your temperature.
Some couples find it helpful and some find it stressful. It's up to you.
Want to avoid fluid checks, ovulation tests and taking your temperature?
None of this is compulsory. You could just record day one of your period, so you know where you are in your cycle, and have sex every other day from days 6 to 20 of your cycle. That should cover it for most women.
Or you could follow that advice from NICE and have sex every two to three days.
Or you could follow that advice from NICE and have sex every two to three days.
Breastfeeding can reduce fertility
If you're breastfeeding, you might struggle to get pregnant. Prolactin, the breastfeeding hormone, lowers oestrogen which is the egg ripening and release hormone.
For more about the practical and emotional side of reducing feeds read this blog from Emma Pickett.
For more about the practical and emotional side of reducing feeds read this blog from Emma Pickett.
Getting support
My fertility awareness support is mainly for those who want to avoid pregnancy, and fertility clinics. The low-tech advice above is all I can really offer.
If you want both low-tech and high-tech support, I suggest Kate Davies at Your Fertility Journey.
If you want both low-tech and high-tech support, I suggest Kate Davies at Your Fertility Journey.
Fertility clinics, IVF, egg freezing and more
Fertility clinics have helped many women have babies, but it can be expensive - financially, physically and emotionally. And it doesn't work as often as you might think. Visit the HFEA website for some sobering facts.
Freezing your eggs is sold as an insurance policy, and you might decide it's worth the gamble, but please read Is egg freezing worth the money? by Victoria Spratt before you go ahead.
Donating your eggs might feel like a kindness, and a way to reduce the cost of egg freezing, but again there are potential drawbacks that are not advertised or researched enough, see Young Women's Bodies are Not Resources To Be Mined by Sienna Rodgers.
Freezing your eggs is sold as an insurance policy, and you might decide it's worth the gamble, but please read Is egg freezing worth the money? by Victoria Spratt before you go ahead.
Donating your eggs might feel like a kindness, and a way to reduce the cost of egg freezing, but again there are potential drawbacks that are not advertised or researched enough, see Young Women's Bodies are Not Resources To Be Mined by Sienna Rodgers.